This is a true story (names have been changed for pure comedy value).

 In a quiet town on the outskirts of London, just near a 12 hole golf course and some lovely playing fields, lived a dashing chap, (tall, slim and strong) with two dark dogs, Nelson and Boots and 4 other beautiful spoonheads who don’t feature in this tale.

Every morning, just before the sun rose, the man would tickle his dogs from their slumber and off they’d skip to the park. Nelson and Boots were generally good dogs but had 1 BIG WEAKNESS —— RUBBISH !!! ESPECIALLY NELSON !

On this particular day the walk had been nothing unusual and they reached the park, a stone’s throw from the house (if you carried a medium sized catapult –it was ¼ of a mile away) having shared nicely 6 biscuits each – none for the dashing fellow as he was watching his sliminity – when from the left nestling beneath a local hedge shone an angrily orange discarded Sainsbury’s bag full of various bits of decaying fodder!!

Nelson sprang and pounced on his prey with no remorse. Boots, pretty but thick, followed eventually and the air was filled with disgusting sounds of two Labradors chomping manky rubbish – until our hero waded in to rescue the bag. With foresight and cunning, he manfully distracted the beasts with biscuits numbers 7 and 8 and, whilst they looked the other way, and in the absence of a waste bin, tossed the bag over a fence deep into a nettle patch to his right.  Pleased, at having successfully out-smarted his hounds, he moved on smugly to complete the walk which continued uneventfully, and indeed the episode was forgotten until the very next day…

The following morn, just to mix it up, the chap walked the park in reverse and so it was towards the end of the stroll when they reached the spot of yesterdays embarrassment.  Since it was nearing the end, he was in the process of gathering the dogs ready for lead time and perhaps, enjoying the lime light offered by talk of biscuits 9 and 10, had dragged the process out a little too long!! Nelson’s glance caught the bush that had housed the orange bag of delights, he looked up at our hero and our hero laughed.  “You’ve no chance” he smugly informed the dogs. “I’m onto to you – I tossed that bag over the fence into the nettles on the right”.

As he heard the last directional clue to the treasure Nelson looked up, twinkled his eyes, turned on his heels and sped to re-find the lost treasure, with Boots in hot pursuit…  Our gallant hero tried to walk on, upselling his haul of biscuits as the finest in the land in order to regain control of his pack. However, all endeavours failed and, fuming, he had to  simply had to watch from a corner of the park until man’s alleged best friends returned to him, having devoured their disgusting feast, still hopeful of the reward of biscuits 9 and 10.

It was at that moment that our hero realised that through the 7.5 years of their acquaintance Nelson had understood every blooming word !!!!