Monthly Archives: November 2014

Straight From The Dogs Mouth: On The Couch With Wellington and Slippers

Posted in Woofers by

INTERVIWER: So Wellington and Slippers, this is pretty exciting stuff – being given your own blog, the chance to finally to give a voice to Labradors in the UK and really get information about the canine condition in modern day society out there… what are you guys most excited about?

SLIPPERS: Well to be honest, all of it. All of the free stuff. I’m thinking dog chews, I’m thinking dog biscuits, I’m thinking bulls’ ears, turkey throats, chickens’ feet and pigs’ twizzlers. That’s why people do these blogs isn’t it? You woof about how much you like say, the extensive range of dog snacks available at Pets At Home and they send you a ton of free goodies?

WELLINGTON: Or perhaps a bin bag, full of dirty nappies but with a tasty morsel of cheese at the bottom of the sack. Mmmm, cheese.

SLIPPERS: I think we, as labs, need humans to fully understand the curse of existence as a Labrador. Our constant hunger is a cross we have to bear and it’s a damn big cross. It’s not our fault we can’t control ourselves if say, you accidently leave the garage door ajar and I happen to get in and eat 4 kilos of dog biscuits so that I look like I’ve swallowed an anvil. Or if perhaps, you have left a box of Mint Matchmakers out of reach on a shelf, but I realize, if I stand on the sofa, I can get those delicious minty sticks in a jiffy. That’s just my genetic programming at work. Likewise, if Welly spots a manky piece of half eaten kebab in the park and refuses to come back until he has scoffed the lot, that’s genetics.

WELLINGTON: Did someone mention cheese?

wellington1

INTERVIEWER: So you are saying, as Labradors, you have completely no self restraint at all, are consumed by constant greed, which leads you to disobedience and criminal acts and that we should all feel sorry for you?

WELLINGTON: All I’m saying is that if a dog is partial to a little Manchego with quince jelly, well why should he be denied? Cheddar, a crumbly mature red Leicester, the crust of a going-green stilton…. Now that I come to think of it, I don’t suppose you have got any snacks in those pockets of yours? Come on, come on, sharing is caring, a little something for a starving woofer??? Please sir, I haven’t eaten in at least an hour…

A whine about wine…

Posted in W(hine) Of The Week by

It was like an overnight invasion. One day, everything was as it should be, we were happily drinking white wine or on special occasions, a delectable bottle of Champers. The next day, chaos, with everyone brandishing bottles of Prosecco on every bloody occasion.

At the pub, “Ooh, shall we all chip in and get a bottle of Prosecco?” Hosting a dinner party, “Here you go darling, we bought you a lovely bottle of Prosecco!” Drinks reception, “How about a glass of Prosecco for everyone on arrival?”

NO!

You all fill your boots, but I’ll be having a lovely glass of Pouilly Fume, thanks.

As someone recently pointed out it was like the chardonnay revolution of the 1990’s, followed by the Pinot Grigio and Sauvignon Blanc revolution of the naughties. But at those points in time, we had just stepped aboard the wine train for the first time and were carried through the vast array of choice by market saturation and cunning marketing. But now, we are wine savvy, we have travelled the wine train down its long and winding track.

I’m sure it has its place… just not at my table. Bring back Champagne I say, if we are going to belch, have heartburn and bad breath at least let’s over-pay for the privilege.

Gourmum: Sub-Urban Spaghetti…

Posted in Gourmum by

Lets be frank, every mum has a tried and tested recipe for Spaghetti Bolognese. It’s the one food other than pizza, chicken nuggets, or sausages and chips that you can be pretty sure any play date will eat. Not only that, it is a family dinner staple. Everyone loves it (even the leading man), you can cook it in advance, for as many hours as you like, on the hob, in the oven, in enormous batches and it still tastes marvellous. It freezes like a charm and can be reincarnated as lasagne the following week with no hassle and to satisfaction all round. What’s not too like?

In case there is anyone out there without a fail safe bolognese recipe in their locker, please find mine shared below.

Serves 4 adults and 2 small children.

Ingredients

  • 500g spaghetti
  • 500g beef mince
  • 150g of bacon lardons or a couple of finely chopped slices of smoked or unsmoked bacon
  • 2 large carrots, finely chopped
  • 2.5 medium onions, finely chopped
  • 2 sticks of celery, finely chopped
  • 4 average cloves of garlic, peeled and crushed
  • 1 large courgette finely chopped
  • 2 tins of chopped tomatoes
  • 1 tbls tomato puree
  • 2 dried bay leaves
  • 2 tsp of dried oregano
  • 1 tbls of worcestershire sauce
  • 150 ml of red wine
  • 1 tbls olive
  • Grated parmesan or cheddar to serve.

Instructions

  1. Heat olive oil in large saucepan, over medium heat and add bacon bits and fry until starting to crisp.
  2. Add carrots, celery and onions to pan and continue to cook over low heat until lovely and soft, adding a splash of water to the pan if they start to catch. This should take about 15 minutes.
  3. Increase heat again and add mince to the pan, stirring to break lumps and cook until it is all nicely brown.
  4. Add the crushed garlic to the pan and cook for three minutes, stirring continuously.
  5. Finally, pour in the tinned tomatoes, wine, tomato puree and worcestershire sauce. Swill out tomato tins with half a tin of water and sling that in and then throw in the herbs and courgettes and give a jolly thorough stir.
  6. Bring to a simmer, cover and cook over low heat for at least and hour or a couple if you have the time, stirring occasionally. If cooking for hours do keep an eye on it, and it looks a little dry, add another half tin of water.
  7. If you want to cook it for more than a couple of hours, or bob out and take the kids to ballet, football while it cooks away, I would suggest cooking in the oven rather than the hob. So once you get to point 6, and it is simmering on the hob, I would add another half tin of water to keep it moist, cover it with a tight fitting lid and transfer to a pre-heated oven at around 150 degrees centigrade (130 fan). Again, if you are going to cook it for more than 2.5 hours (and the longer you cook it the more great it will taste) you would be best to take a gander every now and then, give a cursory stir and add more water / wine if required.
  8. In your own time, when you are ready to eat, cook the spaghetti to the pack instructions and serve!

Firework Feast

Posted in Life and Stuff by
Chilli Con Jamie, courtesy of Jamie's America. (Ours jolly tasty not so glamorously presented).

Chilli Con Jamie, courtesy of Jamie’s America. (Ours jolly tasty not so glamorously presented).

One sparkling step-teen.

One sparkling step-teen.

Now, I cannot lie, I have visions of myself as some form of domestic goddess, casually assembling a dinner party for 20, whilst gaily baking scones with the kids and all the time looking super sexy in a sultry, smiley Nigella Lawson kind of way. Unfortunately, as in most things in life, the reality falls a little short of the dream. Firstly, I pretty much hate cooking with the kids. Now don’t get me wrong, I love cooking and I adore my girls. But like fish fingers and custard, I don’t love the two at the same time. If, I have nothing else on my agenda for the entire week than baking some cupcakes with the small folk is fine. But, when I am trying to get something done to a timeline, the plaintive cry of “Can I help mummy?” can bring me out in hives.

Secondly, I don’t know anyone who can put a party for 8 adults and 8 kids together without looking somewhat flustered by the end and their kitchen as if a bomb has gone off. Actually, the first part of that is a lie, as both my mum and brother can cook a dinner for 25 and still be smiling. I always start smiling. I finish in a sweaty panic.

I therefore have a couple of rules when it comes to entertaining.

  1. Never cook anything that involves tense timings right at the end – you can guarantee your mayonnaise will curdle or your scallops end up with the texture of boots. Which leads me to point 2…
  2. Always cook things that survive an extra 30 minutes/ hour/2 hours in the oven
  3. Always cook things you have cooked before (or only foray in the unknown if there is no possibility you can bugger it up – see point 2)
  4. Be generous with your quantities (no one wants to appear mean / leave a dinner party hungry)
  5. Always have oodles of alcoholic beverages (as per point 4 but supplement the word thirsty where appropriate)

The point to these ramblings is that we just had a cheeky little Firework’s Party with our NDN’s (Next Door Neighbours), the parental units and my brother and his family, and I thought I would share my tips (not tits!).

1. FOOD

Kids (no we didn’t eat them!)

  • Sausages, in rolls, with ketchup. That’s it. It is a formula which has worked for countless years and only a mad man would mess with it.  Keys points for success are:
    • Buy cheap sausages. Kids like cheap sausages and most don’t like ones with high meat content (= chewy) / added herbs (=new/spicy).
    • Cook lots – they are cheap (see above) and you can guarantee the adults will get involved too.

Adult Food

  • A bucket load of crisps and nuts
  • Cooked meats arranged artisitically on a platter.
  • Chilli con Jamie
    • super delicious, super easy and ticks all of my points for dinner party success.
  • Jacket Potatoes
  • Soured cream / chopped coriander to decorate (frillies).

 2. FIREWORKS

I have to admit that it has taken us a couple of attempts to perfect the art of successfully selecting fireworks. However, following several less than satisfactory forays into the world of legalized explosives, we now have a winning formula:

  • Find a specialized firework shop – a pop up one which looks like a cover for illegal arms dealing will work perfectly. Acquiring explosives from a supermarket where you buy your potatoes will not. When you think about it is makes perfect sense…
  • Buy big multi-shot fireworks. Go for ones which have the highest cost per shot. These tend to be more impressive firework displays.
  • Buy as many as you can afford.
  • Get everyone else to bring one too – or contribute to the kitty
  • Ensure everyone knows NOT to bring a little piddly selection box of individual fireworks. Other wise your leading man will be stuck in the garden, in the rain, for hours on end, letting off fireworks which no one gives a monkey’s bum about.
  • You can never have to many sparklers – period.

 3. ALCOHOL

Now to be honest us, and most of our friends, are like the Tigers Who Came To Tea. So in all alcoholic areas we think big. Lots of wine, lots of beer , lots of vodka and diet coke for the leading man. Cater to all known needs and then some. With wine, I find it is best to start expensive (we like to dance in the Waitrose wooden section for special occasions) and then cheaper for when everyone is hammered (Lidl). Once anyone is past a bottle and a half of wine they could drink Blue Nun and think it delish.

Pour all the above together, light the blue touch paper and voila – a party that will go off with a bang.

Adious.